Today I had a very nice dinner with my friends, fried rice with fried chicken wings. Honestly we had a great time of happiness, but it looks like that happiness is still not enough to erase whatever pain and depression that is locked deep down in my heart.
Throughout the dinner, I was eating and thinking of that girl, if only I was able to bring her out with me to have a meal, if only I can tell her how much I love her, if only she knows how much I really love her, if only she can text me. As I said before, in the end, it will just be my own wishful thinking.
I fooled everyone with my smile today, and I was glad that no one found out about anything. Its better though, so that I won't spoil the mood of the dinner gathering. I was thinking to myself," Why am I always feeling so sad?" I actually wanted to be happy, like any other ordinary person. I wanted happiness in my life, I never wanted this to heppen, I never wanted myself to be sad in any way. I can't blame on those girls that I used to like. I felt miserable whenever I have to avoid those girls, but I had no choice. If I appear in front of them, their minds will be like," Why do you have to appear in front of me? Do you know you are an embarrassment"
Thats the reason why I ALWAYS avoid them. I swear that from now on I will NEVER EVER tell a girl that I like her, instead I will just keep everything deep inside my heart, and just watch her from afar. Its difficult for me, but I have to endure it. For the past 6 years I have been doing it, life in school was pretty tough for me. In any case, I have learned the art of avoiding them so well, if I can avoid, then I avoid, if I can't avoid, then I try to delay myself, ensure that they walk past without seeing me, then I continue walking. If everything fails, I just take out my phone = (problem solved).
I guess I have to stop here, writing more just hurts me more.
*Signing Off*
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