Love

What excatly is love? Love is not love when 2 perfect people come together, it is when 2 imperfect people come together to learn, respect and enjoy each other's differences, that is called true love. 

Anyway I posted this because deep down inside my heart, I want a girl. For the past 16.5 years of my life, I never got into a relationship, and that love was only one sided. Most of the time, I never felt happy as I hated to be always in a one sided love relationship. Whenever I confessed, I always gotten the result I never wanted. After that, I will have to avoid that girl so that I don't embarrass her. People say that I am a coward for avoiding her, its just that I don't want her to see me and remind her of the embarrassment.

Whenever I see couples holding hands on the streets, I will think to myself,"Why can't I be as happy as them?" I sweared to myself that I will not cry about love after I failed to confess to the previous girl that I liked. Its meaningless, besides no matter how much I cried, the other party won't know, and its pointless to even let the other party know about it, it just puts you in an awkward situation. 

I have seen some of my friends getting into successful relationships (still continuing), and I have also seen some friends getting unsuccessful relationships but succeeding later on. But when I take a good look at myself, I am just another loser in relationships. Perhaps I have this deadly aura until so many girls avoid me like plaque. I would probably guess that is one of the reasons why I was an outcast with my class girls during my upper secondary school days. 

Some of my friends know that my ideal girl is Choi Sooyoung of Girl's Generation. BUT thats not true, because I have another ideal girl, but I can't disclose the name due to respect reasons. To others she may not be the perfect girl, but to me, she is. And after my one sided unsuccessful love relationships, I have decided to keep it as a secret deep inside my heart, and I will not let her know. The reason is that I do not want history to repeat itself, and to not get my heart hurt again and again. 

The only thing I can do now is to watch her from afar as she forgets about me bit by bit until my existence in her mind has vanished completely. Other people walk together with their life partners, but I, will walk alone, be it during times of bliss or of despair. I will fool everyone with that smile on my face be it in school or with friends and let others see the smile on my face and not the despair and sadness kept deep within my heart.

I guess I have succeeded in fooling many many people including my family members with my smile. It's too easy to fool them, because most people after looking at the smile, they believe that you are happy inside too, and they leave them alone, the moment that person is sad, people around that person will easily notice. But for me, with that smile, I can practically fool ANYONE quickly and easily.

As I walk through the darkness alone, no girl will see me, besides I doubt any girl will even fall for me, I am not handsome, strong or fit. Most girls nowadays look for looks, muscular size. Very few of them will actually look what's deep inside the heart. So I guess that I'm gonna have a hard time looking for one. After my failed one sided love relationships, I am starting to lose hope in love. 

In all I guess I have no one to blame except for myself for having such ill rotten luck. 
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*Signing Off*