Disappointed with myself

Eternity has passed and I finally decided to post something because I can't sleep. 12:58AM and I should be fast asleep, BUT my hungry stomach and my heart refuses to let me sleep. 

Anyway the good news for the next 3 weeks to come is that there will be no more lessons in school, meaning that I can slack more(?) I remember about something weeks ago, I was at Brother Janson's house celebrating National Day. I was surprised as I could remember almost all of the commands they executed even though it has been about 1 year since I graduated from Fairfield NCC. Anyway when the National Anthem was played and the helicopter with the flag flew past, I could not help but just go out to his house's balcony, and salute to the direction of the Singapore Flag. 

I just couldn't help but salute because of what my country has provided for me and my family for 16.8 years on my life. And to repay my country, I WILL serve NS with the fullest of my ability and pass out as a top grade 3rd Sergeant. Anyway to me the best part of the Parade was the marching in of the G.O.H (Guard Of Honours). I am not surprised on the discipline and precision of the men marching, because they are chosen out of thousands of other soldiers to march during NDP, therefore their standards are one of the highest out of the entire cohort of soldiers. 

Anyway back to my pathetic life, I had no more AutoCad lessons so after PEEE lecture, I went to SP colours library to go and study with my classmates. 1 hour into the session and they were like playing Sushido(?) Sushido is a game on Viwawa <---- (a gaming website) I gotta admit I suck at these kind of games because I guess those weren't the right games for me. 

Now to my love life, after weeks and weeks of confused feelings, I have decided to continue scouting  for another one. But this time, I have set the standards to even higher ones so that my heart won't take just anyone in. I gotta admit scouting for one sucks because you look and feel like an idiot when you are scouting for one. Next, the more you can't find, the more desperate your heart gets. 

Your heart will become as confused as your mind is, and that feeling absolutely SUCKS. Anyway these few days sucked for me. Especially on Thursday. It happened during IE (Intro to Engineering). I was troubleshooting the circuit board because it refused to work. So I used the soldering iron to clear off any burnt solder and also to make a clear path in between the "lanes" of the circuit board so that it will reduce the chances of a short circuit. 

I eventually gave up because the circuit board couldn't work again. I realized that Faiz was learning how to play DOTA too. So I went over to see how was he doing. Since I'm a beginner too, I decided to join him in a game. Henderson, David and Jonathan joined in later, and I got owned obviously.

But the point was that when Leon succeeded in making the board work, I was happy at first. However I suddenly felt extremely disappointed with myself. There he is working his ass off to help the both of us pass this project, and there I am playing DOTA. I obviously don't think thats right. After lunch, the disappointment and the guilt got the better of me and I just left for home immediately.

It's been about a day since I reflected on what I did, and I promise to myself, I will never ditch a teammate, friend and most importantly, the girl whom I love the most. I will help people with the best of my ability and most importantly, love and care for my girl.

당신이 여자 사랑.

*Signing Off*