Have been gaming, a lot. I would say gaming with a fake identity online really has opened my eyes to how people care about you even if it's an online game. I was once friends with people from the opposite nation. But they never really talked to me a lot, until I decided to leave. That was when people starting messaging me asking me why I left, and loads of questions with the word 'why'.
That was when I realized people don't really care about others until it's either too late, or when they are gone. After I left people started talking to me more often in game. I felt good as it still had people to talk to, the bad was that I could not get over the fact that people didn't care about each other and only wanted to just be the best.
This next segment will showcase the may reasons why I'm still single after 18.8 years of my life.
1. I'm not good looking (people say that personality counts the most. But I would say 99% of the people will look at appearances first before wanting/getting to know their personalities) I am no exception, just that I will not know that girl more if the girl's personality is shit.
2. I'm probably the most boring guy ever. My lifestyle is the most boring one ever. If I've got no school, I would just wake up, have brunch (or sometimes directly have lunch without breakfast). Then just game all the way, till dinner time. Sometimes an afternoon jog and workout at the fitness area near my house. Then after dinner, it's gaming again till I go to bed. Boring right?
3. I'm a poor guy (probably one of te most obvious reasons why girls don't like me). As much as I want a relationship (yes, I know I sound desperate for one), I know I will never be able to please her because I don't have the money, unless I've got a proper full time job. Anyway everyone around me knows that I've got no money. Unless the girl appreciates the time with me more than the monetary poccessions (impossible to find one these days)
These are the main 3 reasons, there's more, just that I'm too lazy to get them all out here.
Next thing I want to get it down here, is about caring for people. Why I decided to care about people more? Because I feel that people have to be happy, by being happy, can lead to many more happy things happening to them. If they are not happy and can't help themselves, then I will step in and talk to them. But what about myself? I'm not really happy with myself to be very honest.
I get jealous all the time. Jealously is a very big sin, and I will sometimes ask for forgiveness if my jealousy gets the better of me. Now you will ask, what am I jealous about? (I think I will put them down like in a list)
1. Jealous of health
I have 1001 health problems, and the main problem is my stomach (I think the previous posts will tell you more about my stomach problems). I am jealous on how others can eat whatever the hell they want, and here I am only able to eat that few foods because of some effects of those foods towards my stomach.
2. Jealous of looks
I was never handsome, and I guess I will never be. My stomach problems has caused me to slim down to a person that is only skin and bones. Furthermore, I am as weak as a kitten, and I'm pretty sure I will do terrible for my fitness test that is coming up in a month's time. So right now I look like some pathetic idiot that only sits at home playing computer games and spazzing to Korean celeb crushes. Yup, that's who I am.
All in all, I know I am a very unhappy person. But that knowing that there are many more unfortunate people out there that is still fighting on, I know that I still must fight on like them. I promised myself I will stop feeling sad and jealous and move on with life with a much more positive attitude.
Justin.
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