8th of December

My first ever post made in camp, physical training just ended, had a great shower and now I'm having a cup of hot milo while having some snacks. Many things have been going through my head since yesterday night. I couldn't fall asleep that easily, in which I ended up tossing and turning in my bed.

So you may ask, what are the things that have going through my head? Well firstly my family is going overseas for the whole week, so I won't be able to call them or hear their voices. Next, is the fact that I still take other people's judgement of me too seriously, be it in a jokingly manner or for real. A few days ago I went out with a best friend for dinner, as I was travelling up the escalator, a group of young foreign ladies behind started talking about my cap, and for some reason it's stuck inside my head until now, meaning I still could remember what that said word for word.

And lastly, it's about her. It's been months since graduation, and also around a month since I last contacted her. Last Wednesday, due to a minor accident on my phone, I accidentally sent her a 'thumbs up' emoticon. I frantically tried to erase that but to no avail. Therefore I decided to just talk to her once more, giving a simple salutation and asking her how she was. For the entire night until the next morning, I was quite nervous as I was waiting for her reply. 

However until today, she hasn't replied to me, I don't even know whether has she seen the message, whether she is busy or whether she doesn't want to talk to me. Possiblilties are endless, so are my thoughts. Which sometimes sets me thinking, did I say something or do something wrong? Or whether am I too bad of a person?

Right now I just want this day to end fast, so that I can polish my boots and then get some early rest. 

I hope my decision to hold on to that love is not a wrong one, it's tiring but I will still endure.

Justin