This is probably one of the posts that has the most amount of honesty being put into, so many things has happened recently and I guess besides talking to the people that are closest to me, this is one of the places where I can just pen down the many thoughts that are bottling up inside my head right now.
I've been so so confused and mentally sad lately. Someone that I really really cared for has started showing signs that she doesn't care for me as much as she used to. I've talked to my friends about what has happened and a lot of them told me to just take it easy while giving her the space that she needed. So I did just that and hoped that things would get better as times went by. However as of today, I realized that I was so used to having her by my side while talking to her every single day via telegram, and now the moment she reduced her contact with me just made me feel so sad. I miss her and her little moments of her happiness when she either gets to go home early from work, getting to eat her favourite snacks or to eating her mum's food after a long day of work. She has made me realized that by being grateful to the smallest things in life will help heal the soul and make you life much more happier, plus it is a major stepping stone to helping me recover from anxiety and all the fear that has been bottled inside my soul for years.
If I could see her again, I would want to tell her how much I really cared for her since the day that I've fallen in love with her, and also for her to know that if she has any problems that she wants to share with me, I would be there for her as much as possible.
As of now I've been doubting myself and my ability to handle stuff properly, am not so sure how am I supposed to be doing stuff and carrying on with my life until SSO. So many times I felt that I am not worthy of the people around me that care and trust me with their lives, and even more on the fact that perhaps I'm not worthy and ready to take care of someone and place herself before me. I don't know what her impression of me right now, nor what she's going through in her life. Sometimes I feel so sad that I don't know how to make the situation between us better, or to even just make sure that she's feeling okay.
[At this point my head is just messy, and I can't even sort out my thoughts straight without feeling fuzzy in my chest]
She's amazing and I really really don't wish for things between us to end. She's always smiling inside and will be a sunshine to my darkness that is trapping me in an eternal state of limbo.
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