Stayover

I stayed over at Janson's house today, together with Ryan and Axel. I could say it was very fun especially when we went swimming. During swimming, Axel decided to actually swim WITH his specs on, it came out and the pool was quite deep, it was about 10 at night so it was very dark so it was very difficult to see the actual location of the specatcles. Chew Bok asked his friend (a swimmer) to help us with the search of the missing spectacles.

After about half an hour of searching, Ryan took Janson's goggles, and just rendomly swim down to one spot, and he came out of the water saying," YAYYYY!!!! I FOUND IT!!!" All of us were relieved and of course, stopped swimming. After we showered and got changed, we played computer games till about 12 when I felt very hungry. To make matters worse, my stomach suddenly decided to become unstable, obviously making me feeling very uncomfortable.

We went to the 7-11 near to his house and I bought some noodles to eat, at his house, my stomach felt better and we continued playing till about half past 2, that was when my body decided to shut down so I decided to get some sleep (about an hour) befroe waking up and continue to play other computer games. It was about half past two when I went to sleep, in which about half past three when I was supposed to wake up.

But when I checked my clock on my phone, it was half past nine. So I woke up and played games till 12 when the four of us when to the market to grab some lunch, and after lunch, my stomach decided to become unstable again. When I reached back to Janson's house, my sister Venessa was already there. Janson, Ryan and Axel decided to start playing Warcraft, and I tried to get some sleep but it was too noisy so I gave up sleeping.

Venessa pestered me to borrow her my phone, so currently she is playing Tap Tap on my phone, with my earphones on too. Wing Chun starts about an hour and a half from now, so it just leaves me about an hour to play. Gotta start playing now :)

*Signing Off*

Dinner + emotions

Today I had a very nice dinner with my friends, fried rice with fried chicken wings. Honestly we had a great time of happiness, but it looks like that happiness is still not enough to erase whatever pain and depression that is locked deep down in my heart.

Throughout the dinner, I was eating and thinking of that girl, if only I was able to bring her out with me to have a meal, if only I can tell her how much I love her, if only she knows how much I really love her, if only she can text me. As I said before, in the end, it will just be my own wishful thinking.

I fooled everyone with my smile today, and I was glad that no one found out about anything. Its better though, so that I won't spoil the mood of the dinner gathering. I was thinking to myself," Why am I always feeling so sad?" I actually wanted to be happy, like any other ordinary person. I wanted happiness in my life, I never wanted this to heppen, I never wanted myself to be sad in any way. I can't blame on those girls that I used to like. I felt miserable whenever I have to avoid those girls, but I had no choice. If I appear in front of them, their minds will be like," Why do you have to appear in front of me? Do you know you are an embarrassment"

Thats the reason why I ALWAYS avoid them. I swear that from now on I will NEVER EVER tell a girl that I like her, instead I will just keep everything deep inside my heart, and just watch her from afar. Its difficult for me, but I have to endure it. For the past 6 years I have been doing it, life in school was pretty tough for me. In any case, I have learned the art of avoiding them so well, if I can avoid, then I avoid, if I can't avoid, then I try to delay myself, ensure that they walk past without seeing me, then I continue walking. If everything fails, I just take out my phone = (problem solved).

I guess I have to stop here, writing more just hurts me more.

*Signing Off*

Love

What excatly is love? Love is not love when 2 perfect people come together, it is when 2 imperfect people come together to learn, respect and enjoy each other's differences, that is called true love. 

Anyway I posted this because deep down inside my heart, I want a girl. For the past 16.5 years of my life, I never got into a relationship, and that love was only one sided. Most of the time, I never felt happy as I hated to be always in a one sided love relationship. Whenever I confessed, I always gotten the result I never wanted. After that, I will have to avoid that girl so that I don't embarrass her. People say that I am a coward for avoiding her, its just that I don't want her to see me and remind her of the embarrassment.

Whenever I see couples holding hands on the streets, I will think to myself,"Why can't I be as happy as them?" I sweared to myself that I will not cry about love after I failed to confess to the previous girl that I liked. Its meaningless, besides no matter how much I cried, the other party won't know, and its pointless to even let the other party know about it, it just puts you in an awkward situation. 

I have seen some of my friends getting into successful relationships (still continuing), and I have also seen some friends getting unsuccessful relationships but succeeding later on. But when I take a good look at myself, I am just another loser in relationships. Perhaps I have this deadly aura until so many girls avoid me like plaque. I would probably guess that is one of the reasons why I was an outcast with my class girls during my upper secondary school days. 

Some of my friends know that my ideal girl is Choi Sooyoung of Girl's Generation. BUT thats not true, because I have another ideal girl, but I can't disclose the name due to respect reasons. To others she may not be the perfect girl, but to me, she is. And after my one sided unsuccessful love relationships, I have decided to keep it as a secret deep inside my heart, and I will not let her know. The reason is that I do not want history to repeat itself, and to not get my heart hurt again and again. 

The only thing I can do now is to watch her from afar as she forgets about me bit by bit until my existence in her mind has vanished completely. Other people walk together with their life partners, but I, will walk alone, be it during times of bliss or of despair. I will fool everyone with that smile on my face be it in school or with friends and let others see the smile on my face and not the despair and sadness kept deep within my heart.

I guess I have succeeded in fooling many many people including my family members with my smile. It's too easy to fool them, because most people after looking at the smile, they believe that you are happy inside too, and they leave them alone, the moment that person is sad, people around that person will easily notice. But for me, with that smile, I can practically fool ANYONE quickly and easily.

As I walk through the darkness alone, no girl will see me, besides I doubt any girl will even fall for me, I am not handsome, strong or fit. Most girls nowadays look for looks, muscular size. Very few of them will actually look what's deep inside the heart. So I guess that I'm gonna have a hard time looking for one. After my failed one sided love relationships, I am starting to lose hope in love. 

In all I guess I have no one to blame except for myself for having such ill rotten luck. 
이 세상은 잔혹한 장소입니다
*Signing Off* 

Body aching / Racist Video that I saw on YouTube today

I slept at about 4 yesterday cause i was creating the previous post, and also because my area was raining, so I basically couldnt sleep. I woke up today with my limbs aching, and also because my mum wanted me to go downstairs to eat lunch with her. I was also kinda a little pissed with my mum as I was forced to go down to eat (which I did't want cause my body was aching). So during lunch I got more and more pissed when I was eating my Fried Fish Bee Hoon soup (炸鱼片米粉). But after the meal, as I walked back home, I was reflecting on my own actions and obviously I knew I shouldn't do that ever again.

2 hours later (which is now) I continued this post cause I was watching videos on youtube, and I was also lazy to do my tutorials. I didn't really do much work this morning.

(THE NEXT POST IS　A　LITTLE OFFENSIVE IN TERMS OF LANGUAGE)
8 hours later, I saw this video in which is called the Misrepresentation of Singaporeans on German TV. After I saw that video, I was fuming mad. I replied this (sorry for any offensive language):

"Who the fuck cares if we Singaporeans like to keep birds? To all Germans who think that its crazy, its called a fucking hobby. Unless you are telling me YOU yourself don't have hobbies. AND we bury our ancestors so that we know that they will have a better life in heaven, it's not called overly crazy. AND we CAN eat chewing gums in SG, we just can't anyhow litter them. LASTLY, that temperature check was during the SARS outbreak. Get your fucking facts right first before calling us crazy singaporeans"

I was fuming mad because that video was downright disrespecting our cultures and beliefs in Singapore. One part of the video went ,"It was a day of ghost hunting. Results? Ghosts: 0 Crazy Singaporeans: Little (referring to those ghost hunters which the German show's correspondent that thinks so). The last part of the video got me fuming me so much I just wanted to shout right into the computer screen. The reporter said this," After this experiment, I believe I can summarise with good conscience, the Singaporeans are not just crazy, they are tremendously crazy (with a sarcastic smile on his face".

Trust me, if I ever see him in public, I WILL go up to him and slap his face. He has no right to say that we are crazy, just because the elderly in Singapore keep birds and buy expensive cages for them, does not give you people a right to call us crazy. Also, we buy and spend money to bury our ancestors so that the can enjoy life in heaven. You people have no right to call us crazy just because we spend some money just to have a proper burial for our ancestors. You are downright insulting our culture, and you people are simply ignorant.

If any of you want the link its here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZtHnJu9p74

(I edited out the vulgarites in case someone else manages to find my blog and reports it, highly unlikely, but I will take no risks)

Anyway, I shall not comment on this anymore, it will just get me more mad. Its 1:07am in the morning, its kinda late, and I shall get some sleep already, besides my mum don't really like me staying up too late just because I like to blog :)
*Signing Off*

I should be sleeping, but.....

My laptop has been switched off and I should be sleeping, but I can't sleep for some unknown reason. Therefore I decided to make a new post on my phone and post it up here. Now as I look up into the night sky, I thought back into those girls that I sort of have a crush on them last time.

As I was thinking about them, I also thought back on the things I did together with them. It also reminded me on how I kept my feelings for them and also how those feelings eventually got leaked out and then they somehow (I don't know how) managed to find out about it. Thinking back, I felt kinda ashamed to even face them now, which was the reason why I avoided them in school after they found out about my feelings for them.

I also felt stupid whenever I tried to sort of like show off my skills in Precision Drill whenever they are close by. As in I wanted them to see my skills and perhaps have a change of heart(?). But in the end, it was just my own wishful thinking. Those girls are long gone from my memories, but from time to time, then just re-appear in my memories. I do wish them the best of luck in whatever they do and I hope I don't cross their paths again in life so that those memories will not surface again.

I also thought about what I did today at home. I was supposed to finish 3 tutorials on Structured Programming today, but I ended up doing chapter 1 and the programming codings for chapter 2b. After that I went to eat dinner then watched about 2.5 hours of TV before playing Maplestory with Janson and Bok. I guessed I was too lazy to do homework. These few days, my daily routine was almost the same.

Basically I will wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, watch videos on my phone, on my laptop, game until lunchtime, do about 20 minutes of tutorial, then go to YouTube and watch live performances, then do another 30 minutes of tutorial, then continuing gaming till dinner time, then do about 30 mins of tutorial then continue gaming till about 1am in the morning, toss and turn on my bed before getting some proper sleep.

I fear that my computer addiction has gone from bad to worse, as I tried to concentrate in doing my tutorials but I will end up going to Facebook or YouTube. So this morning I tried resisting the temptation to on my laptop. However, the temptation got the better of me and I went to on my laptop just before lunch time. I also tried to control myself by just telling my self that I switched on my laptop just to do the codings for my Structured Programming.

However I ended up gaming and going to YouTube instead. At this rate I think my Mid Semester test will be a disaster and my parents will definitely do something about my computer addiction. My self control and self discipline is really weak, and I will definitely do something about it, as I don't want to end up repeating modules like some year two's I know.

Okay it looks like I will stop right here, it's 2:45am and I am starting to get sleepy already. Tomorrow will be a brand new day, with new history to be made *signing off* 

1st post

Okay, its my first time using a blog (yes, I've never used a blog in my whole life) and I made this blog from an inspiration from my two best friends Janson and Bok. I feel that blogging allows a person to express oneself freely. Like my best friend Janson, I saw quite a few of his posts and I could really understand what his feelings really are deep down inside his heart.


Similarly Bok also was in the same situation as I am, the 3 of us and also Ryan whom I did not mention just now, I could say the 4 of us are strong in terms of brotherhood and friendship. Although we do have disagreements and arguments at times, we definitely patch up very quickly.


I shall dedicate this first post into talking about  my friends and people whom I met over my school days (Primary, Secondary and Polytechnic <----- which I am studying right now) I met Janson at my cousin's birthday party many years back, I think about 8 years back.  I didn't really know him THAT well until in Secondary One, when I met Ryan through school.


Janson was a really interesting guy (honest), I do know that he does not like Korean pop songs, therefore I try not to talk about it in front of him, as I feel the need to respect him. Although I myself don't listen to Japanese songs, I am definitely not an anti of them, I just don't listen to them. If there is a nice Japanese song, I dont mind listening to it. We do have common interests (Maple being one of them) and sometimes we do share funny stuff with each other.


Bok was considered one of my friends whom I had a friend ship with for more than 7 years already. I known him since Primary 3 when we were both in the same class with him. He is definitely a funny guy, from sharing jokes to making funny noises in class and making paper bombs, he is one of the few people whom I can really find entertainment from.


As for Ryan, I met him in Secondary One, at a entertainment centre in our Secondary school called the T-Zone, which I am not sure what the T stands for. His a good player in that console game called Halo and of course he, Bok and Janson taught me many skills for better playing of that game. Ryan, has a very complicated life, from what I see in school, he seems to be not well liked by some of his classmates, sometimes getting insulted at. Deep down inside my heart, I really think he is a strong man, with a strong heart. Not only he tolerated those insults and discriminations, he did not choose assult to deal with those evil people. I really admire his strong heart and soul.

I shall end my post here, its 1:38am in the morning and I should be getting some sleep soon, and my mum is calling me to off my laptop and sleep too. *Signing off*