Today was a reasonably good and a reasonably bad day for me, I was feeling down the whole morning, my left eyeball hurts for no apparent reason, but the main reason was my confused heart and mind. Till now, I still don't know who to choose. However, I thought over again and I came with one half of the solution. Since I will never get a chance to meet that person, I will just continue being her fan, supporting her from behind.
As for the other person, I will not tell her my feelings for her, instead I will just watch her from her, as she gets happiness. As for me, I think I will just wait, maybe in the distant future, someone will appreciate my love for her, and I hope will love me as much as I love her.
*Signing Off*
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
Monday, 18 July 2011
Monday (continued)
After AutoCad lesson, I stayed back after class to finish up my AutoCad individual assignment with the help of Jonathan. When I was doing halfway, Sam and Faiz came back to the room to finish up their team assignments. We chatted as we were doing our own stuffs, I was having a great time laughing together with them. After finishing my assignment, I walked back home.
While walking back home, I thought long and hard. Should I forget the girl that I might not have a chance to even meet her? Or should I forget the one which I can talk and meet up with her? My mind was in a turmoil, my mind just couldn't stop thinking about both of them, and what my decision will be.
Sometimes, I just think to myself, Am I the only one that likes two girls at once, and unable to make a choice? I just don't know.
*Signing Off*
While walking back home, I thought long and hard. Should I forget the girl that I might not have a chance to even meet her? Or should I forget the one which I can talk and meet up with her? My mind was in a turmoil, my mind just couldn't stop thinking about both of them, and what my decision will be.
Sometimes, I just think to myself, Am I the only one that likes two girls at once, and unable to make a choice? I just don't know.
*Signing Off*
Sunday, 17 July 2011
Monday
Okay, I got a boring Digital Electronic tutorial lesson, and then the lecturer kept walking around so I couldn't play games in case the lecturer actually found out that I was playing. Anyway, before the tutorial even started, I went to play abit of maple. I was kinda surprised that the Mysterious Path 3 map was actually empty when I arrived. I trained for about 7 minutes until I felt super bored.
I went to watch some funny videos on my YouTube channel, then I went to show Jonathan some of them, and of course, we had a great laugh. David then suggested that we play a fast game of Dota (WTF mode), I agreed and within 3 minutes of the game, I destroyed 2 towers, (pretty fast eh? <---- it was in WTF mode so its kinda obvious).
Anyway this morning I woke up at about 6am when Shannon texted me on her way to school, she talked about those irritating attire checks in school (I hated them too, the teachers always target me for my long hair). And honestly I didn't know that she stayed in a semi detached house (3 stories, which is about 2.8 times larger than the house that I am staying in). Shannon actually told me to come back to fairfield to help out with my CCA.
At the same time, she can meet me for the very first time :P. She was telling me the previous week that she wanted to meet me quite badly, I also don't know the reason why.
Okay AutoCad Lesson is starting soon, gotta stop soon.
*Signing Off*
I went to watch some funny videos on my YouTube channel, then I went to show Jonathan some of them, and of course, we had a great laugh. David then suggested that we play a fast game of Dota (WTF mode), I agreed and within 3 minutes of the game, I destroyed 2 towers, (pretty fast eh? <---- it was in WTF mode so its kinda obvious).
Anyway this morning I woke up at about 6am when Shannon texted me on her way to school, she talked about those irritating attire checks in school (I hated them too, the teachers always target me for my long hair). And honestly I didn't know that she stayed in a semi detached house (3 stories, which is about 2.8 times larger than the house that I am staying in). Shannon actually told me to come back to fairfield to help out with my CCA.
At the same time, she can meet me for the very first time :P. She was telling me the previous week that she wanted to meet me quite badly, I also don't know the reason why.
Okay AutoCad Lesson is starting soon, gotta stop soon.
*Signing Off*
Weekend
Okay I was supposed to do my project work allocation today, but I just got distracted by Sooyoung today :) I was watching Invincible Youth on Youtube and even the village chief thinks that Sooyoung is pretty :) haha I guess I'm not the only one that thinks so. Anyway, today wasn't a very good day for me, cause I destroyed my scarlion boss hat in maple (zzz), and that was the first time I got so desperate in getting money just to buy the scarlion boss service so that I can get my helm back.
I ate lunch at about 2 because me and my brother refused to go out to buy lunch, so in the end, my mother just went to buy lunch for all of us. I ate lunch and then I tried to do some of my project allocation, and then I got distracted by the girl that I like right now. Well, I think she is happy at where she is right now, with a bunch of new friends and without me.
Anyway, I was looking at some of SNSD's variety shows, and there was this show called Invincible Youth. I watched about 4 episodes, I was happy when I was watching it (okay I think I sound like a mad man when I say this). Okay I think I am really crazy for liking two girls. Gotta choose only 1, that one who I can meet, or the other one who I may never have a chance to see in real life.
Well I guess I will need sometime to think about it.
*Signing Off*
I ate lunch at about 2 because me and my brother refused to go out to buy lunch, so in the end, my mother just went to buy lunch for all of us. I ate lunch and then I tried to do some of my project allocation, and then I got distracted by the girl that I like right now. Well, I think she is happy at where she is right now, with a bunch of new friends and without me.
Anyway, I was looking at some of SNSD's variety shows, and there was this show called Invincible Youth. I watched about 4 episodes, I was happy when I was watching it (okay I think I sound like a mad man when I say this). Okay I think I am really crazy for liking two girls. Gotta choose only 1, that one who I can meet, or the other one who I may never have a chance to see in real life.
Well I guess I will need sometime to think about it.
*Signing Off*
Wednesday, 13 July 2011
Quotes
"With every step you climb another mountain, every breath is harder to believe" Seems familiar? This is one of the sentences in one of Adam Lambert's song, No Boundaries, in which it refers to how a person's dreams and imaginations can have no limit in achieving.
Okay, lets say for this year, I would like to lose about 3-4kg in my body weight, and I would like to learn basic fighting techniques in Wing Chun, and maybe I could also find a girl this year(?). Well, I would be more than happy if I was able to actually find 1 that loves me as much as I love her. Its gonna be very hard, BUT I'm still gonna try, you will never know unless you try right?
Anyway, today during Wing Chun training, we were told that there was going to be PT (Physical Training) sessions. My heart sank when I heard it, I have not exercised for at least 6-7 months, and then it is gonna last for 8 weeks. What makes matters worse is that I think I have totally lost my stamina. So I guess it is gonna be tough for me.
I'm kinda tired so I'm gonna get some sleep now.
*Signing Off*
Okay, lets say for this year, I would like to lose about 3-4kg in my body weight, and I would like to learn basic fighting techniques in Wing Chun, and maybe I could also find a girl this year(?). Well, I would be more than happy if I was able to actually find 1 that loves me as much as I love her. Its gonna be very hard, BUT I'm still gonna try, you will never know unless you try right?
Anyway, today during Wing Chun training, we were told that there was going to be PT (Physical Training) sessions. My heart sank when I heard it, I have not exercised for at least 6-7 months, and then it is gonna last for 8 weeks. What makes matters worse is that I think I have totally lost my stamina. So I guess it is gonna be tough for me.
I'm kinda tired so I'm gonna get some sleep now.
*Signing Off*
Monday, 11 July 2011
Week 2 of school after MST
Woke up at 5.50 today because Shannon texted me, haha she can actually be my alarm clock cause I don't think my alarm clock is not really effective, and just a message from her and I can wake up. Ironic isn't it?
Anyway I reached school particularly early because the sky was overcast, so my mum insisted that leave the house earlier so that I don't get caught in the rain. When I reached school, I went up to the classroom and I stood there in front of the classroom alone, and I started thinking about my Digital Electronics assignment and whether it was complete or not.
I went into class and I sat down, took my assignment out to do some final touch ups(?)
I then talked to Wei Cheng and Wei Jie about dota, I guess I gotta learn how to play better? When class started, we were told to hand up our hard copy of our report, and then show the lecturer our Multisim circuit. Well, the interview was easier than I thought, and basically the rest of the lesson I was just talking to my other classmates.
After DE was PEEE lesson and my stomach decided to growl badly, I needed to eat something BADLY. So I tried to endure and listen at the same time (rather difficult). After what seem-ed like eternity, the lesson finally ended and I went to eat lunch .
Okay, AutoCad lesson is starting soon and I am gonna play dota with my classmates. I shall stop here for now.
*Signing Off*
Anyway I reached school particularly early because the sky was overcast, so my mum insisted that leave the house earlier so that I don't get caught in the rain. When I reached school, I went up to the classroom and I stood there in front of the classroom alone, and I started thinking about my Digital Electronics assignment and whether it was complete or not.
I went into class and I sat down, took my assignment out to do some final touch ups(?)
I then talked to Wei Cheng and Wei Jie about dota, I guess I gotta learn how to play better? When class started, we were told to hand up our hard copy of our report, and then show the lecturer our Multisim circuit. Well, the interview was easier than I thought, and basically the rest of the lesson I was just talking to my other classmates.
After DE was PEEE lesson and my stomach decided to growl badly, I needed to eat something BADLY. So I tried to endure and listen at the same time (rather difficult). After what seem-ed like eternity, the lesson finally ended and I went to eat lunch .
Okay, AutoCad lesson is starting soon and I am gonna play dota with my classmates. I shall stop here for now.
*Signing Off*
Saturday, 9 July 2011
Poly life
It's been about 13-14 weeks since I have started studying in poly. All I can say is, wow, time REALLY FLIES. My mid semester test has ended about 2 weeks ago, and I am still waiting for my PEEE (Principals of Electrical and Electronic Engineering) paper to be returned to me. Before I stepped in to poly, I vowed to myself that I will go into poly where no one will know my past and whatever stupid mistakes I did before.
However, those mistakes keep haunting me in my sleep, they keep coming back in my memories from time to time. Those mistakes kept reminding me how stupid, childish and immature I was last time. Of course I will do whatever it takes to get rid of those stupid memories out of my mind. These memories, will resurface from time to time like a viper surfacing in and out of the ground to find it's prey.
Lately I have been having nightmares about those memories and also about thugs beating up and torturing my girl. If I remember the exact details, I was having a late night supper with my girl at some market that was almost empty (without many people). As my girl and I were eating, we were suddenly attacked by those thugs knocking me and my girl out. When I regained my senses, I found my girl being tortured and beatened up.
They chained my arms and legs so that I couldn't fight back, as I watched my girl slowly becoming lifeless, tears came out from my eyes, as my girl was beatened up and I as her boyfriend, couldn't do anything to help her. I begged them to spare my girl, in which I told them to beat me up instead. That was when I couldn't remember anything else.
I hope that dream will never ever happen to me, since I'm still looking for a girl that suits my taste. And if I do find her, I swear, I will NEVER let any thing bad happen to her, I will protect her, love her, care for her, hug her, look out for her, catch her when she falls, and lastly, never leave her side.
I'm a little tired, gotta get some sleep. Shall stop here for now.
*Signing Off*
However, those mistakes keep haunting me in my sleep, they keep coming back in my memories from time to time. Those mistakes kept reminding me how stupid, childish and immature I was last time. Of course I will do whatever it takes to get rid of those stupid memories out of my mind. These memories, will resurface from time to time like a viper surfacing in and out of the ground to find it's prey.
Lately I have been having nightmares about those memories and also about thugs beating up and torturing my girl. If I remember the exact details, I was having a late night supper with my girl at some market that was almost empty (without many people). As my girl and I were eating, we were suddenly attacked by those thugs knocking me and my girl out. When I regained my senses, I found my girl being tortured and beatened up.
They chained my arms and legs so that I couldn't fight back, as I watched my girl slowly becoming lifeless, tears came out from my eyes, as my girl was beatened up and I as her boyfriend, couldn't do anything to help her. I begged them to spare my girl, in which I told them to beat me up instead. That was when I couldn't remember anything else.
I hope that dream will never ever happen to me, since I'm still looking for a girl that suits my taste. And if I do find her, I swear, I will NEVER let any thing bad happen to her, I will protect her, love her, care for her, hug her, look out for her, catch her when she falls, and lastly, never leave her side.
I'm a little tired, gotta get some sleep. Shall stop here for now.
*Signing Off*
Friday, 8 July 2011
Boring Day
After lunch, I decided to fix my old computer, and surprisingly I didn't get the results that I had expected to get. The computer lagged so much, even when I played Left 4 Dead 2 on it. SO, I decided to do a major cleanup for my desktop. I went to delete every single song and all those games that needed major patching. Then I went to surf YouTube and facebook.
The irritating thing is that YouTube keeps claiming copyrights to many shows and videos therefore I am unable to freaking watch them. It just sets me thinking, why can't they just let people upload the shows for people that missed the shows. I mean like be fair to people that also want to enjoy watching it.
Anyway today I didn't really do anything today. I switched on my laptop at around 10 in the morning, I guessed I have used it for excatly twelve hours already, BUT I think I'm gonna continue using it till about 12+ I guess?
Anyway I'm gonna play a bit of Dota (learning how to play properly).
*Signing Off*
The irritating thing is that YouTube keeps claiming copyrights to many shows and videos therefore I am unable to freaking watch them. It just sets me thinking, why can't they just let people upload the shows for people that missed the shows. I mean like be fair to people that also want to enjoy watching it.
Anyway today I didn't really do anything today. I switched on my laptop at around 10 in the morning, I guessed I have used it for excatly twelve hours already, BUT I think I'm gonna continue using it till about 12+ I guess?
Anyway I'm gonna play a bit of Dota (learning how to play properly).
*Signing Off*
Thursday, 7 July 2011
No school
Today I woke up at around 5:50 because Shannon texted me on her way to school, and we chatted for about an hour then it was almost 7 and she had to go for morning assembly so I slept till 10 in which my mum woke me up because my mum had to change bed sheets for me, I went to my brother's room to sleep since my brother left early to go back to the army camp.
I ate breakfast, I think it wasn't really a breakfast because I ate cup noodles in the morning, which I think its not really healthy but since there was not much food in the house so I got no choice but to eat them. My mum just went out to buy lunch so I am just writing post. I was thinking what to do, many YouTube videos that I watched are staring to get removed due to copyright.
Basically my computer is starting to give me lesser and lesser entertainment. I think a day will come when I will really fall asleep right in front of the computer. Well who knows?
At least something good happened to me this week, my circuit design finally worked on MultiSim (a program that creates circuits by just placing electronic components and connecting them). Thanks to the help of Jonathan (my poly classmate), my circuit was able to work and I got a big load off my mind. Now I'm just left with the stupid interview and completing the report of the entire assignment.
I think later will be a good time to train my chain punching in Wing Chun, I will need to master that technique in order to protect my girl. I wanna learn how to fight multiple enemies at one go, and also finishing an enemy off without the enemy able to hit me. I guess that will be my resolution for year 1 in poly.
Its just after lunch, I think I'm gonna find something to do and maybe sleep again?
*Signing Off*
I ate breakfast, I think it wasn't really a breakfast because I ate cup noodles in the morning, which I think its not really healthy but since there was not much food in the house so I got no choice but to eat them. My mum just went out to buy lunch so I am just writing post. I was thinking what to do, many YouTube videos that I watched are staring to get removed due to copyright.
Basically my computer is starting to give me lesser and lesser entertainment. I think a day will come when I will really fall asleep right in front of the computer. Well who knows?
At least something good happened to me this week, my circuit design finally worked on MultiSim (a program that creates circuits by just placing electronic components and connecting them). Thanks to the help of Jonathan (my poly classmate), my circuit was able to work and I got a big load off my mind. Now I'm just left with the stupid interview and completing the report of the entire assignment.
I think later will be a good time to train my chain punching in Wing Chun, I will need to master that technique in order to protect my girl. I wanna learn how to fight multiple enemies at one go, and also finishing an enemy off without the enemy able to hit me. I guess that will be my resolution for year 1 in poly.
Its just after lunch, I think I'm gonna find something to do and maybe sleep again?
*Signing Off*
Day 4 after MST week
Today after lunch I was expectionally pissed off with someone, I shall not disclose the reason why, but its something to do with what that person said to me. Anyway I went home after school then I just sat down in front of my com and just started playing it, I played till about 7 then I went to have my dinner, then I went to bath then I played Zero Hour with Janson and Axel, and both matches didn't end well because both matches had sudden disconnections so it ended up as two incomplete matches.
Then I went to play Yuri's Revenge, and of course my laptop decided to lag ALOT when I wanted to play something fun. SO, I changed games to Dota, AND, I got trashed by an easy enemy because I don't know what skills to buy and also which NPC sells them, so the AI got till beyond godlike (basically making him impossible to kill). Now I am just awlfully pissed to the max. Nothing to fun to play, or too difficult to play, plus I got a bad day at the back of my head. F*** My Life.
I don't wanna write anymore, one more single word and I'll punch my hand through the computer screen.
*Signing Off*
Then I went to play Yuri's Revenge, and of course my laptop decided to lag ALOT when I wanted to play something fun. SO, I changed games to Dota, AND, I got trashed by an easy enemy because I don't know what skills to buy and also which NPC sells them, so the AI got till beyond godlike (basically making him impossible to kill). Now I am just awlfully pissed to the max. Nothing to fun to play, or too difficult to play, plus I got a bad day at the back of my head. F*** My Life.
I don't wanna write anymore, one more single word and I'll punch my hand through the computer screen.
*Signing Off*
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
After school (as in what happened after school, not the group After School)
After school, I reached back home, I was like dead tired because I was very hungry. I ate some instant noodles, then I got sleepy so I lied on my bed for awhile, then I went to messaged Shannon, and she went to M'sia to shop so I couldn't sms her or I will have to pay stupid extra charges if I send an overseas text.
After dinner, my brother came back from the army camp, and we had dinner, i think i ate about two portions of dinner cause I was very hungry. Then I weent to play computer games, then Shannon texted me back so we chated. On MSN, Chew Bok went to tell me what happened to him in his class today. Apparently it was his tutorial lesson, then he opened his itunes and his e-learning website to check out his project.
Unfortunately the lecturer walked past and saw him doing other stuff that was not related to that tutorial subject, so in the end he was chased out the classroom. Poor him. I played computer till about 12+ then went to sleep.
Anyway that was what basically happened that day (felt sleepy throughout the day though).
*Signing Off*
After dinner, my brother came back from the army camp, and we had dinner, i think i ate about two portions of dinner cause I was very hungry. Then I weent to play computer games, then Shannon texted me back so we chated. On MSN, Chew Bok went to tell me what happened to him in his class today. Apparently it was his tutorial lesson, then he opened his itunes and his e-learning website to check out his project.
Unfortunately the lecturer walked past and saw him doing other stuff that was not related to that tutorial subject, so in the end he was chased out the classroom. Poor him. I played computer till about 12+ then went to sleep.
Anyway that was what basically happened that day (felt sleepy throughout the day though).
*Signing Off*
Sunday, 3 July 2011
Day 1 of term 2
As usual I woke up at 7 to get my ass to school and of course, I snoozed my alarm for every ten minutes in order to get enough sleep so that I won't fall asleep when I am in school. When I reached school, I just sat down thinking about my Digital Electronics assignment that is due in a weeks time. Then subsequently, my friends came one by one and of course catched up with one another :)
When the lecturer came, I knew I was going to get back my MST (Mid Semester Test) results. Therefore the lecturer started calling our names one by one to collect our test paper, at the same time, the lecturer mentioned our marks as we were going out to collect our test paper. When my name was called, I was obviously nervous because when I did the paper, I was unsure on many things.
Suprisingly, I managed to get 79 out of 100, in which I think its a B+, therefore my GPA for that test is 3.5, in which I managed to achieve my target (I targeted a GPA of at least 3.4 for that test). I got this classmate Haziq, he was late for class (apparently he was late for class because he overslept), and he got the highest marks in our class (1 mark below the maximum marks of 100, in other words, he scored a score of ninety-nine out of a hundred)
Well, at least I was happy I did managed to achieve my target, all my frustrations and studying paid off I guess(?)
Currently its after lunch so I've got about 20 mins till my AutoCad lesson, and Jmeen noona is sitting right beside me right now <------- (I had to post this because Jmeen noona demanded that I post that I am sitting beside her, I don't know whats with her, but I guess I will just do as I am told to)
Well, now my AutoCad lesson is about to commence, I guess I will need to stop here right now. :)
*Signing Off*
When the lecturer came, I knew I was going to get back my MST (Mid Semester Test) results. Therefore the lecturer started calling our names one by one to collect our test paper, at the same time, the lecturer mentioned our marks as we were going out to collect our test paper. When my name was called, I was obviously nervous because when I did the paper, I was unsure on many things.
Suprisingly, I managed to get 79 out of 100, in which I think its a B+, therefore my GPA for that test is 3.5, in which I managed to achieve my target (I targeted a GPA of at least 3.4 for that test). I got this classmate Haziq, he was late for class (apparently he was late for class because he overslept), and he got the highest marks in our class (1 mark below the maximum marks of 100, in other words, he scored a score of ninety-nine out of a hundred)
Well, at least I was happy I did managed to achieve my target, all my frustrations and studying paid off I guess(?)
Currently its after lunch so I've got about 20 mins till my AutoCad lesson, and Jmeen noona is sitting right beside me right now <------- (I had to post this because Jmeen noona demanded that I post that I am sitting beside her, I don't know whats with her, but I guess I will just do as I am told to)
Well, now my AutoCad lesson is about to commence, I guess I will need to stop here right now. :)
*Signing Off*
Thursday, 30 June 2011
Day 1 after MST
Today was the first day after my MST (Mid Semester Tests) ended, and I ended up nothing to do. Ryan asked me to go to school as planned so that I can teach him some basic maths for his test later that day. When he texted me, I woke up and had breakfast and switched on my laptop for a moment and that moment it HAD to rain when I was about to go to school to meet Ryan.
I left the house in a bad mood (and yes, the weather sometimes affects my mood) and the rain got worse (of course). I wanted to walk to school BUT obviously the rain HAD to become worse, so I took a bus to school instead. At the bus stop near my house, I saw Zheng Cong (my secondary four classmate), I waved to him but for the first two seconds he didn't recognised me (I guessed it was my long hair that was the reason I suppose).
In the bus we catched up a little as it was about 4 months since we last seen each other. At school, I had to divert my route here and there (because of the rain), and it took me about 16.5 minutes to reach the library (zzz). I reached the library, (I started sneezing because I had a cold when I woke up in the morning). We played games till about 1pm, then I taught him logarithms and the 3 laws, then we went for lunch at FC4 (Foodcourt 4 KouFu), and had my sliced fish bee hoon with tom yam soup (which I was craving for all week).
We chatted and ate at the same time till about quarter past 3, Ryan had to go for his exam so I headed home and went to on my laptop to play. A while later Ryan suddenly called my on my phone, he told me that his exam was actually at 1.30, in other words, he missed his exam timing. Well, I guess the only person he can count on is God in which whether God will help him in getting a retest.
Today was kinda boring especially during the evening, cause I suddenly felt so sick and tired of my computer games, so I decided to play Red Alert 2 (I practically finished the entire allied campaign which consists of 12 missions + training missions). Then I went to surf facebook, watch youtube, posted a status on facebook, then I played Zero Hour because Axel and Janson were also about to play so I just joined in.
Not really sastifying for me because I didn't get the results that I wanted, so maybe I just gotta try harder I guess?
Going to sleep soon, I'm quite tired.
*Signing Off*
I left the house in a bad mood (and yes, the weather sometimes affects my mood) and the rain got worse (of course). I wanted to walk to school BUT obviously the rain HAD to become worse, so I took a bus to school instead. At the bus stop near my house, I saw Zheng Cong (my secondary four classmate), I waved to him but for the first two seconds he didn't recognised me (I guessed it was my long hair that was the reason I suppose).
In the bus we catched up a little as it was about 4 months since we last seen each other. At school, I had to divert my route here and there (because of the rain), and it took me about 16.5 minutes to reach the library (zzz). I reached the library, (I started sneezing because I had a cold when I woke up in the morning). We played games till about 1pm, then I taught him logarithms and the 3 laws, then we went for lunch at FC4 (Foodcourt 4 KouFu), and had my sliced fish bee hoon with tom yam soup (which I was craving for all week).
We chatted and ate at the same time till about quarter past 3, Ryan had to go for his exam so I headed home and went to on my laptop to play. A while later Ryan suddenly called my on my phone, he told me that his exam was actually at 1.30, in other words, he missed his exam timing. Well, I guess the only person he can count on is God in which whether God will help him in getting a retest.
Today was kinda boring especially during the evening, cause I suddenly felt so sick and tired of my computer games, so I decided to play Red Alert 2 (I practically finished the entire allied campaign which consists of 12 missions + training missions). Then I went to surf facebook, watch youtube, posted a status on facebook, then I played Zero Hour because Axel and Janson were also about to play so I just joined in.
Not really sastifying for me because I didn't get the results that I wanted, so maybe I just gotta try harder I guess?
Going to sleep soon, I'm quite tired.
*Signing Off*
Tuesday, 28 June 2011
Pissed Off
I made this post because I was extremely pissed off to the max. Don't ask why, I myself also don't know the reason. I just suddenly felt so useless and unhappy, maybe today's nap after I reached home. I dreamed that my girl was getting beaten up by thugs and those thugs chained my arms and legs, making me unable to move. As I watched my girl getting beaten up by those thugs, I felt helpless. IF I myself can't even protect my own girl, how am I even considered a real man, a man that is really to love, protect and support his girl and his family?
When I woke up, I was so angry with myself, I just scolded myself on how incompetent and useless I was. I was on the verge of crying but I held back my tears, as I cannot cry, if I cry, then I am useless guy. Therefore when I am about to cry, I will tell myself not to cry so that people won't see how weak my heart really is.
Going to sleep now, I am rather tired.
*Signing Off*
When I woke up, I was so angry with myself, I just scolded myself on how incompetent and useless I was. I was on the verge of crying but I held back my tears, as I cannot cry, if I cry, then I am useless guy. Therefore when I am about to cry, I will tell myself not to cry so that people won't see how weak my heart really is.
Going to sleep now, I am rather tired.
*Signing Off*
Monday, 27 June 2011
Rashes (cont'd) + MST
Rashes got irritatingly worse, scratching myself all over, super irritating, and i can't study with those rashes on. I ate my medicine just after lunch, and I felt a little better. I fear that during my exam, my rashes will break out and I will not be able to concentrate will during my exam.
Today was the first paper for my Mid Semester Test (MST). When I first looked at the paper, it wasn't too bad, but I sighed and said,"FML" to myself when I saw section B. I couldn't do much in terms of finding errors.
Really got nothing else to share about today, cause today nothing significant happened to me.
Shall stop here :)
*Signing Off*
Today was the first paper for my Mid Semester Test (MST). When I first looked at the paper, it wasn't too bad, but I sighed and said,"FML" to myself when I saw section B. I couldn't do much in terms of finding errors.
Really got nothing else to share about today, cause today nothing significant happened to me.
Shall stop here :)
*Signing Off*
Saturday, 25 June 2011
Rashes
Haven't blogged for about 3-4 days already. I had a very bad allergic reaction and my whole body had rashes (I suffered because I couldn't sleep properly at night as I was scratching myself here and there. I couldn't eat any heaty food as the doctor told me either I had eaten something wrong (I guessed it was the prawn from the prawn noodles 2 days back), OR it was the released of all the built in heat inside my body from eating too much heaty food.
Anyway its near dinner time and I've got like about 22.5 minutes to type finish this post. These few days I felt so terrible, besides from having those stupid rashes, it was also that terrible feeling of missing someone. I think I have not seen her for quite sometime, and yeah, that feeling sucks when you miss someone but you can't see that person.
I miss you alot, like really alot. Well since you might or might not be seeing this I will just say whatever that is locked deep down inside my heart to you. The moment I saw you, I instantly fell in love with you, with some people saying that its called love at first sight. Although I think you won't see this, BUT I really want to tell you that I love you alot, BUT I can't, because I just don't have the courage to. AND you will never know how much my love for you really is, because I will never tell you anything, like what I said before, I will never tell a girl how I really feel about her unless I know she has the same feelings for me.
Well I don't really think you will see this post, so I guess my actions will be unknown to you.
baby come back to my world
come back and be my girl
그렇지 않으면 나는 널 죽도록 미워할 거란 걸 알아
널 사랑했던 마음이 미움으로 모두 다 바뀌기 전에
돌아와 어서 내게 잘못했다고 어서 얘기해
baby, come back to my world
come back and be my girl
if you don't, know that i'll hate you to death
before this heart that has loved you turns into hate
come back, quickly. that you're sorry, please, tell me
Okay I know that those lyrics are really random, but that is what it partially represents the deep feelings in my heart. Not gonna continue anymore, I'm already hurt by just writing this.
*Signing Off*
Anyway its near dinner time and I've got like about 22.5 minutes to type finish this post. These few days I felt so terrible, besides from having those stupid rashes, it was also that terrible feeling of missing someone. I think I have not seen her for quite sometime, and yeah, that feeling sucks when you miss someone but you can't see that person.
I miss you alot, like really alot. Well since you might or might not be seeing this I will just say whatever that is locked deep down inside my heart to you. The moment I saw you, I instantly fell in love with you, with some people saying that its called love at first sight. Although I think you won't see this, BUT I really want to tell you that I love you alot, BUT I can't, because I just don't have the courage to. AND you will never know how much my love for you really is, because I will never tell you anything, like what I said before, I will never tell a girl how I really feel about her unless I know she has the same feelings for me.
Well I don't really think you will see this post, so I guess my actions will be unknown to you.
baby come back to my world
come back and be my girl
그렇지 않으면 나는 널 죽도록 미워할 거란 걸 알아
널 사랑했던 마음이 미움으로 모두 다 바뀌기 전에
돌아와 어서 내게 잘못했다고 어서 얘기해
baby, come back to my world
come back and be my girl
if you don't, know that i'll hate you to death
before this heart that has loved you turns into hate
come back, quickly. that you're sorry, please, tell me
Okay I know that those lyrics are really random, but that is what it partially represents the deep feelings in my heart. Not gonna continue anymore, I'm already hurt by just writing this.
*Signing Off*
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
Stayover
I stayed over at Janson's house today, together with Ryan and Axel. I could say it was very fun especially when we went swimming. During swimming, Axel decided to actually swim WITH his specs on, it came out and the pool was quite deep, it was about 10 at night so it was very dark so it was very difficult to see the actual location of the specatcles. Chew Bok asked his friend (a swimmer) to help us with the search of the missing spectacles.
After about half an hour of searching, Ryan took Janson's goggles, and just rendomly swim down to one spot, and he came out of the water saying," YAYYYY!!!! I FOUND IT!!!" All of us were relieved and of course, stopped swimming. After we showered and got changed, we played computer games till about 12 when I felt very hungry. To make matters worse, my stomach suddenly decided to become unstable, obviously making me feeling very uncomfortable.
We went to the 7-11 near to his house and I bought some noodles to eat, at his house, my stomach felt better and we continued playing till about half past 2, that was when my body decided to shut down so I decided to get some sleep (about an hour) befroe waking up and continue to play other computer games. It was about half past two when I went to sleep, in which about half past three when I was supposed to wake up.
But when I checked my clock on my phone, it was half past nine. So I woke up and played games till 12 when the four of us when to the market to grab some lunch, and after lunch, my stomach decided to become unstable again. When I reached back to Janson's house, my sister Venessa was already there. Janson, Ryan and Axel decided to start playing Warcraft, and I tried to get some sleep but it was too noisy so I gave up sleeping.
Venessa pestered me to borrow her my phone, so currently she is playing Tap Tap on my phone, with my earphones on too. Wing Chun starts about an hour and a half from now, so it just leaves me about an hour to play. Gotta start playing now :)
*Signing Off*
After about half an hour of searching, Ryan took Janson's goggles, and just rendomly swim down to one spot, and he came out of the water saying," YAYYYY!!!! I FOUND IT!!!" All of us were relieved and of course, stopped swimming. After we showered and got changed, we played computer games till about 12 when I felt very hungry. To make matters worse, my stomach suddenly decided to become unstable, obviously making me feeling very uncomfortable.
We went to the 7-11 near to his house and I bought some noodles to eat, at his house, my stomach felt better and we continued playing till about half past 2, that was when my body decided to shut down so I decided to get some sleep (about an hour) befroe waking up and continue to play other computer games. It was about half past two when I went to sleep, in which about half past three when I was supposed to wake up.
But when I checked my clock on my phone, it was half past nine. So I woke up and played games till 12 when the four of us when to the market to grab some lunch, and after lunch, my stomach decided to become unstable again. When I reached back to Janson's house, my sister Venessa was already there. Janson, Ryan and Axel decided to start playing Warcraft, and I tried to get some sleep but it was too noisy so I gave up sleeping.
Venessa pestered me to borrow her my phone, so currently she is playing Tap Tap on my phone, with my earphones on too. Wing Chun starts about an hour and a half from now, so it just leaves me about an hour to play. Gotta start playing now :)
*Signing Off*
Monday, 20 June 2011
Dinner + emotions
Today I had a very nice dinner with my friends, fried rice with fried chicken wings. Honestly we had a great time of happiness, but it looks like that happiness is still not enough to erase whatever pain and depression that is locked deep down in my heart.
Throughout the dinner, I was eating and thinking of that girl, if only I was able to bring her out with me to have a meal, if only I can tell her how much I love her, if only she knows how much I really love her, if only she can text me. As I said before, in the end, it will just be my own wishful thinking.
I fooled everyone with my smile today, and I was glad that no one found out about anything. Its better though, so that I won't spoil the mood of the dinner gathering. I was thinking to myself," Why am I always feeling so sad?" I actually wanted to be happy, like any other ordinary person. I wanted happiness in my life, I never wanted this to heppen, I never wanted myself to be sad in any way. I can't blame on those girls that I used to like. I felt miserable whenever I have to avoid those girls, but I had no choice. If I appear in front of them, their minds will be like," Why do you have to appear in front of me? Do you know you are an embarrassment"
Thats the reason why I ALWAYS avoid them. I swear that from now on I will NEVER EVER tell a girl that I like her, instead I will just keep everything deep inside my heart, and just watch her from afar. Its difficult for me, but I have to endure it. For the past 6 years I have been doing it, life in school was pretty tough for me. In any case, I have learned the art of avoiding them so well, if I can avoid, then I avoid, if I can't avoid, then I try to delay myself, ensure that they walk past without seeing me, then I continue walking. If everything fails, I just take out my phone = (problem solved).
I guess I have to stop here, writing more just hurts me more.
*Signing Off*
Throughout the dinner, I was eating and thinking of that girl, if only I was able to bring her out with me to have a meal, if only I can tell her how much I love her, if only she knows how much I really love her, if only she can text me. As I said before, in the end, it will just be my own wishful thinking.
I fooled everyone with my smile today, and I was glad that no one found out about anything. Its better though, so that I won't spoil the mood of the dinner gathering. I was thinking to myself," Why am I always feeling so sad?" I actually wanted to be happy, like any other ordinary person. I wanted happiness in my life, I never wanted this to heppen, I never wanted myself to be sad in any way. I can't blame on those girls that I used to like. I felt miserable whenever I have to avoid those girls, but I had no choice. If I appear in front of them, their minds will be like," Why do you have to appear in front of me? Do you know you are an embarrassment"
Thats the reason why I ALWAYS avoid them. I swear that from now on I will NEVER EVER tell a girl that I like her, instead I will just keep everything deep inside my heart, and just watch her from afar. Its difficult for me, but I have to endure it. For the past 6 years I have been doing it, life in school was pretty tough for me. In any case, I have learned the art of avoiding them so well, if I can avoid, then I avoid, if I can't avoid, then I try to delay myself, ensure that they walk past without seeing me, then I continue walking. If everything fails, I just take out my phone = (problem solved).
I guess I have to stop here, writing more just hurts me more.
*Signing Off*
Friday, 17 June 2011
Love
What excatly is love? Love is not love when 2 perfect people come together, it is when 2 imperfect people come together to learn, respect and enjoy each other's differences, that is called true love.
Anyway I posted this because deep down inside my heart, I want a girl. For the past 16.5 years of my life, I never got into a relationship, and that love was only one sided. Most of the time, I never felt happy as I hated to be always in a one sided love relationship. Whenever I confessed, I always gotten the result I never wanted. After that, I will have to avoid that girl so that I don't embarrass her. People say that I am a coward for avoiding her, its just that I don't want her to see me and remind her of the embarrassment.
Whenever I see couples holding hands on the streets, I will think to myself,"Why can't I be as happy as them?" I sweared to myself that I will not cry about love after I failed to confess to the previous girl that I liked. Its meaningless, besides no matter how much I cried, the other party won't know, and its pointless to even let the other party know about it, it just puts you in an awkward situation.
I have seen some of my friends getting into successful relationships (still continuing), and I have also seen some friends getting unsuccessful relationships but succeeding later on. But when I take a good look at myself, I am just another loser in relationships. Perhaps I have this deadly aura until so many girls avoid me like plaque. I would probably guess that is one of the reasons why I was an outcast with my class girls during my upper secondary school days.
Some of my friends know that my ideal girl is Choi Sooyoung of Girl's Generation. BUT thats not true, because I have another ideal girl, but I can't disclose the name due to respect reasons. To others she may not be the perfect girl, but to me, she is. And after my one sided unsuccessful love relationships, I have decided to keep it as a secret deep inside my heart, and I will not let her know. The reason is that I do not want history to repeat itself, and to not get my heart hurt again and again.
The only thing I can do now is to watch her from afar as she forgets about me bit by bit until my existence in her mind has vanished completely. Other people walk together with their life partners, but I, will walk alone, be it during times of bliss or of despair. I will fool everyone with that smile on my face be it in school or with friends and let others see the smile on my face and not the despair and sadness kept deep within my heart.
I guess I have succeeded in fooling many many people including my family members with my smile. It's too easy to fool them, because most people after looking at the smile, they believe that you are happy inside too, and they leave them alone, the moment that person is sad, people around that person will easily notice. But for me, with that smile, I can practically fool ANYONE quickly and easily.
As I walk through the darkness alone, no girl will see me, besides I doubt any girl will even fall for me, I am not handsome, strong or fit. Most girls nowadays look for looks, muscular size. Very few of them will actually look what's deep inside the heart. So I guess that I'm gonna have a hard time looking for one. After my failed one sided love relationships, I am starting to lose hope in love.
In all I guess I have no one to blame except for myself for having such ill rotten luck.
이 세상은 잔혹한 장소입니다
*Signing Off*
Anyway I posted this because deep down inside my heart, I want a girl. For the past 16.5 years of my life, I never got into a relationship, and that love was only one sided. Most of the time, I never felt happy as I hated to be always in a one sided love relationship. Whenever I confessed, I always gotten the result I never wanted. After that, I will have to avoid that girl so that I don't embarrass her. People say that I am a coward for avoiding her, its just that I don't want her to see me and remind her of the embarrassment.
Whenever I see couples holding hands on the streets, I will think to myself,"Why can't I be as happy as them?" I sweared to myself that I will not cry about love after I failed to confess to the previous girl that I liked. Its meaningless, besides no matter how much I cried, the other party won't know, and its pointless to even let the other party know about it, it just puts you in an awkward situation.
I have seen some of my friends getting into successful relationships (still continuing), and I have also seen some friends getting unsuccessful relationships but succeeding later on. But when I take a good look at myself, I am just another loser in relationships. Perhaps I have this deadly aura until so many girls avoid me like plaque. I would probably guess that is one of the reasons why I was an outcast with my class girls during my upper secondary school days.
Some of my friends know that my ideal girl is Choi Sooyoung of Girl's Generation. BUT thats not true, because I have another ideal girl, but I can't disclose the name due to respect reasons. To others she may not be the perfect girl, but to me, she is. And after my one sided unsuccessful love relationships, I have decided to keep it as a secret deep inside my heart, and I will not let her know. The reason is that I do not want history to repeat itself, and to not get my heart hurt again and again.
The only thing I can do now is to watch her from afar as she forgets about me bit by bit until my existence in her mind has vanished completely. Other people walk together with their life partners, but I, will walk alone, be it during times of bliss or of despair. I will fool everyone with that smile on my face be it in school or with friends and let others see the smile on my face and not the despair and sadness kept deep within my heart.
I guess I have succeeded in fooling many many people including my family members with my smile. It's too easy to fool them, because most people after looking at the smile, they believe that you are happy inside too, and they leave them alone, the moment that person is sad, people around that person will easily notice. But for me, with that smile, I can practically fool ANYONE quickly and easily.
As I walk through the darkness alone, no girl will see me, besides I doubt any girl will even fall for me, I am not handsome, strong or fit. Most girls nowadays look for looks, muscular size. Very few of them will actually look what's deep inside the heart. So I guess that I'm gonna have a hard time looking for one. After my failed one sided love relationships, I am starting to lose hope in love.
In all I guess I have no one to blame except for myself for having such ill rotten luck.
이 세상은 잔혹한 장소입니다
*Signing Off*
Thursday, 16 June 2011
Body aching / Racist Video that I saw on YouTube today
I slept at about 4 yesterday cause i was creating the previous post, and also because my area was raining, so I basically couldnt sleep. I woke up today with my limbs aching, and also because my mum wanted me to go downstairs to eat lunch with her. I was also kinda a little pissed with my mum as I was forced to go down to eat (which I did't want cause my body was aching). So during lunch I got more and more pissed when I was eating my Fried Fish Bee Hoon soup (炸鱼片米粉). But after the meal, as I walked back home, I was reflecting on my own actions and obviously I knew I shouldn't do that ever again.
2 hours later (which is now) I continued this post cause I was watching videos on youtube, and I was also lazy to do my tutorials. I didn't really do much work this morning.
(THE NEXT POST IS A LITTLE OFFENSIVE IN TERMS OF LANGUAGE)
8 hours later, I saw this video in which is called the Misrepresentation of Singaporeans on German TV. After I saw that video, I was fuming mad. I replied this (sorry for any offensive language):
"Who the fuck cares if we Singaporeans like to keep birds? To all Germans who think that its crazy, its called a fucking hobby. Unless you are telling me YOU yourself don't have hobbies. AND we bury our ancestors so that we know that they will have a better life in heaven, it's not called overly crazy. AND we CAN eat chewing gums in SG, we just can't anyhow litter them. LASTLY, that temperature check was during the SARS outbreak. Get your fucking facts right first before calling us crazy singaporeans"
I was fuming mad because that video was downright disrespecting our cultures and beliefs in Singapore. One part of the video went ,"It was a day of ghost hunting. Results? Ghosts: 0 Crazy Singaporeans: Little (referring to those ghost hunters which the German show's correspondent that thinks so). The last part of the video got me fuming me so much I just wanted to shout right into the computer screen. The reporter said this," After this experiment, I believe I can summarise with good conscience, the Singaporeans are not just crazy, they are tremendously crazy (with a sarcastic smile on his face".
Trust me, if I ever see him in public, I WILL go up to him and slap his face. He has no right to say that we are crazy, just because the elderly in Singapore keep birds and buy expensive cages for them, does not give you people a right to call us crazy. Also, we buy and spend money to bury our ancestors so that the can enjoy life in heaven. You people have no right to call us crazy just because we spend some money just to have a proper burial for our ancestors. You are downright insulting our culture, and you people are simply ignorant.
If any of you want the link its here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZtHnJu9p74
(I edited out the vulgarites in case someone else manages to find my blog and reports it, highly unlikely, but I will take no risks)
Anyway, I shall not comment on this anymore, it will just get me more mad. Its 1:07am in the morning, its kinda late, and I shall get some sleep already, besides my mum don't really like me staying up too late just because I like to blog :)
*Signing Off*
2 hours later (which is now) I continued this post cause I was watching videos on youtube, and I was also lazy to do my tutorials. I didn't really do much work this morning.
(THE NEXT POST IS A LITTLE OFFENSIVE IN TERMS OF LANGUAGE)
8 hours later, I saw this video in which is called the Misrepresentation of Singaporeans on German TV. After I saw that video, I was fuming mad. I replied this (sorry for any offensive language):
"Who the fuck cares if we Singaporeans like to keep birds? To all Germans who think that its crazy, its called a fucking hobby. Unless you are telling me YOU yourself don't have hobbies. AND we bury our ancestors so that we know that they will have a better life in heaven, it's not called overly crazy. AND we CAN eat chewing gums in SG, we just can't anyhow litter them. LASTLY, that temperature check was during the SARS outbreak. Get your fucking facts right first before calling us crazy singaporeans"
I was fuming mad because that video was downright disrespecting our cultures and beliefs in Singapore. One part of the video went ,"It was a day of ghost hunting. Results? Ghosts: 0 Crazy Singaporeans: Little (referring to those ghost hunters which the German show's correspondent that thinks so). The last part of the video got me fuming me so much I just wanted to shout right into the computer screen. The reporter said this," After this experiment, I believe I can summarise with good conscience, the Singaporeans are not just crazy, they are tremendously crazy (with a sarcastic smile on his face".
Trust me, if I ever see him in public, I WILL go up to him and slap his face. He has no right to say that we are crazy, just because the elderly in Singapore keep birds and buy expensive cages for them, does not give you people a right to call us crazy. Also, we buy and spend money to bury our ancestors so that the can enjoy life in heaven. You people have no right to call us crazy just because we spend some money just to have a proper burial for our ancestors. You are downright insulting our culture, and you people are simply ignorant.
If any of you want the link its here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZtHnJu9p74
(I edited out the vulgarites in case someone else manages to find my blog and reports it, highly unlikely, but I will take no risks)
Anyway, I shall not comment on this anymore, it will just get me more mad. Its 1:07am in the morning, its kinda late, and I shall get some sleep already, besides my mum don't really like me staying up too late just because I like to blog :)
*Signing Off*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)